Funny isn’t an adjective often used to describe Afghanistan. Yet to many Afghans, the war and the foreigners waging it can present a surprising source of humor.
Afghans around the country tell anecdotes about encounters with NATO troops. The best of these are encapsulated, shared and sometimes aggrandized in the form of half-funny, half-sad tales told over warm chai or at picnics. Sometimes told with a laugh, sometimes told with a tone of bitterness, these stories tend to be about cultural mishaps and miscommunication that, 11 years after the start of the international intervention, still occur with alarming frequency.
Every province seems to have its own variations of these tales. Here, I will share three that I heard while meeting with local entrepreneurs in Bamian, Kabul and Kandahar city, respectively. All of them are based – or so my informants tell me – on actual events.
But even if they are apocryphal, these are the narratives that Afghans are telling in everyday conversations about foreigners – when the foreigners aren’t around.
1. A Disproportionate Response
Over a picnic lunch on the shores of beautiful Band-e-Amir, Afghanistan’s first national park, an 18-year-old high school student from Bamian Center laughingly told me this story:
One day, the New Zealand Provincial Reconstruction Team had lunch with some local village elders. At the end of the meal, they wanted to thank their hosts. One of them spoke on behalf of the team, saying: “Thank you for your great hospitality. The food was delicious.”
But the interpreter was confused. He translated: “Thank you for your great food. We will build you a hospital.”
The elders were surprised, but delighted. But not so much when the hospital never materialized.
Later, I shared this with a friend who works for NATO. He shook his head. “That’s no joke,” he said. “I caught my interpreter making the same mistake in Daikundi last week.”
2. “Not on the agenda!”
A colleague in Kabul who works in a nongovernmental organization that does media training had a collection of linguistic mishaps to share. This one was the most memorable.
A United States military trainer was making a routine visit to an Afghan government official whom he mentored. He was excited because new computers had just been delivered, and he wanted to hear how the devices were working.
The trainer had a thick Southern accent that, evidently, his interpreter found hard to understand.
“How’s the system?” the trainer asked.
“How’s your sister?” the interpreter said, translating.
The government official was visibly angry, to the American’s confusion: “My sister?! Who are you to be asking about my sister?!” The interpreter translated the official’s response into English, but said “system” instead of “sister.”
Trainer: “Yeah, your system! We just delivered new computer systems.”
Interpreter’s translation: “Yeah, your sister. You have beautiful sister.”
The Afghan, roaring: “You better stop talking about my sister!” The interpreter kept the miscommunication going, again telling the American that the official had said “system.”
Trainer: “Hey, relax! It’s on the agenda.”
The Afghan, huffing and puffing: “My sister is most definitely NOT on the agenda!” He stormed out.
The American was perplexed. The interpreter shrugged.
3. The Best Job Ever
I recounted these anecdotes to a friend whom I was visiting in Kandahar city. After having a good laugh, this friend shared one as well. “This one is definitely true,” he said, “because my friend was the interpreter!”
Back in 2004, an officer at Kandahar Airfield hired a group of local residents to do some manual labor. When the workers arrived, the officer instructed his interpreter: “O.K., tell them to get their shovels and start working. I will be back in an hour.”
The interpreter thought it was an odd request, but he translated anyway: “O.K., he says to go shower and come back in an hour.”
And so the workers went to the local bathhouse. When the officer returned, he angrily asked the interpreter, “Where have all the men gone?”
“They went to the bathhouse,” the interpreter replied.
The officer was furious. “Why would they do that?”
“Well, because you told them to…”
The officer suddenly understood what had happened. He grabbed a shovel and shoved it at the interpreter. “SHOVEL! I said shovel, not shower!”
At least in this story, there was a moment of comprehension and a confrontation was avoided. But all these stories make me wonder: How often have hospitals been accidentally promised? And how often did those mistranslations cause bad blood? We may never know.
Eileen Guo lives in Kabul, where she runs Impassion Media, a start-up that delivers social media and mobile technology solutions in emerging markets and frontier environments. She first worked in Afghanistan as a research assistant for the military’s Counterinsurgency Training Center and wrote about her experiences for At War. You can read more of her writing about Afghanistan at her personal blog, and follow her on Twitter.
